trying to make time-sensitive plans with someone who doesn’t text back quickly
so in japan they have this thing where you dress up as ronald mcdonald and you get free food
sorry i dont think i can come to ur birthday party theres a rumor going around that u dont have wifi :/
the shocking truth is revealed
"go away mom, i’m eating commander crunch"
freaking cereals are at it again
I would betray all of you in the Hunger Games
I, a big wrinkle, made all of these smaller wrinkles.
The annual “Taco Bell Train To Flavor” event went horribly wrong this morning as the methane flatulence of over 200 passengers was ignited by a spark from the train tracks.
The resulting blast tore through the train cars at over 100mph, burning through doors and windows with the compounded lit farts resulting from an estimated 400 pounds of Taco Bell enchiladas, burritos and tacos. “It’s a miracle nobody was killed,” said Taco Bell spokesman Mario Tartarugafrantoio, “The sheer volume of flatus that had collected in the train cars constituted a thermobaric bomb equal in potency to 12 Hiroshima explosions.”
Luckily the force of the blast was directed out the train windows and into the nearby Westboro Bapsist protesters who had come to boycott the Taco Bell event. Fred Phelps and 17 of his church members were lit aflame, much to the praise of anyone with good taste and common human decency.
I read this at Taco Bell and screamed
IF YOU DO NOT REBLOG THIS A SKELETON WILL SNEAK INTO YOUR HOUSE AND MAKE AN ELABORATE SANDWICH AND USE THE SAME EXACT KNIFE FOR EVERY CONDIMENT WITHOUT CLEANING IT OFF
When people I really care about mention for the first time that I’m one of their best friends
IS THAT A JUMPING PIECE OF JELLO WITH CHIBI EYES HOLY FLYING FUCK IT’S SO ADORABLE MAKE IT STOP
my friends sister was telling me about how in highschool a guy tried to take a picture up her skirt as she was walking up stairs and she saw, grabbed his phone, broke it in half, and handed it back to him and said “you can tell your mom why your phones broken”
for a second I forgot about flip phones and I was like how in the holy hell did she rip a phone in half
i want a cute boy to buy me cute underwear
i could be a member of maroon 5 and none of you would ever know